Hey TV friends! Sorry for my post-procrastination lately, but after the winter from hell, the great outdoors are calling me (my computer, not so much).
A while back, I admitted my shameful secret to the masses: I still don't have a Twitter account (hold for gasps). Now of course that doesn't mean I'll never get one, but if I want to get to Retta-levels of TV recapping greatness, I have to practice. So with the summer TV season officially upon us, here's my second round of 140-characters-or-less TV tweets, or quick takes on the new and returning shows that I had time to check out (in between trips for ice cream, of course).
Welcome to Sweden: Pilot was cute and funny - not a must watch, but a pleasant diversion with a likable lead #yaygregpoehler #what'swiththeterriblecommercialeditpoints?
Cold Justice: So many crimes, so little time! These ladies don't play around and neither do the DA's #makin'arrests #watchwithwhitewineandsweats
The Leftovers: Two eps in, it's all sadness, all the time on this HBO bleak-fest. I give it one more shot before I throw these leftovers out #majorbummer
Graceland: A thrilling start to the second season of USA's most summery offering - tune in for plenty of Mike/Paige, Charlie/Briggs action #butlet'svotedaleoutalready
Drunk History: I'm laughing and learning - who could complain? Season 2 is bringin' it #anothershotwon'thurt #waitwherewasI?
Nathan For You: Want to feel extremely uncomfortable? Watch Nathan give fake business advice to real people and cringe/laugh for days #ghostrealtor
Now that we've sped through the current crop of summer shows, it's time to slow down and focus on the return of one, very special program. That's right! It's time again for Leah's Under the Dome recaps - and boy does she have an amazing one for us this week. Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD for all you Dome-heads out there. For the rest of us, the following will make absolutely no sense, so feel free to read on and dip your toe in the craziness pool that is this show. Thank you, Leah! Your dedication to this train-wreck is greatly appreciated!
Leah's Under the Dome Recap (Week of 7/14/2014)
After a long year of doing interesting and productive things, I began my Under The Dome summer duty with the first episode of the new season. It was called "Heads Will Roll", but no heads rolled.
The show began with a dramatic recap of the first season, including epic shots of people gasping and the memorable clip of the cow being severed in half by the dome dropping (I've only seen this clip about 40 times). We were suddenly back in the action of hot Barbie getting ready to be noosed for crimes he didn't commit, when the miraculous pink light shone and everyone (besides the characters who have speaking parts of course) collaspes to the ground. A giant bell flings out of a church and heads straight for the dome wall, and we know shiz is about to happen.
Suddenly Julia appears on the edge of the lake where she dropped the mysterious egg into the water, setting off the pink star reaction. A girl appears out of nowhere drowning in the lake, and Julia jumps in to save her. Then a rustic-looking slightly older guy, who I will call the HOM (hot old man) emerges out of the blue and gives the girl mouth to mouth. We later learn he is an EMT-alcoholic-Junior's Uncle-man. They mentioned his name, but I missed it and didn't bother to rewind. It might be Zach, or Sam.
Here's the main story - the dome is now MAGNETIC and so everything flies toward it at mathematically inappropriate times and speeds. Linda, the heroine police officer of the first season gets hit by a flying car against the dome trying to help Barbie out of his magnetic handcuffs. She dies! What! The HOM tends to Julia's wound through all this, and he is very friendly indeed. A little too friendly.
Barbie meets a new woman Rebecca who tries to shoot him for breakng into her car - she goes from hating him to trusting him for no reason whatsoever, and we learn that she is the town's high school science teacher. She has been studying the dome since it first appeared and even made a huge representational model of the town and dome (it was definitely made by a team of skilled prototype designers). She looks like a model, and her voice sounds like a robot.
With all this magnetic stuff flying, Joe gets a nail THROUGH HIS HAND, and surprise surprise, he's okay! Just a little rusty nail through the hand. Big Jim starts hallucinating and sees Dotie, the girl he killed (Dough-tee? Dowty?) and shes really creepy and stuff. Meanwhile Julie and the HOM tend to the "the girl" who showed up in the lake. Apparently the HOM has a random sketchbook where "the girl" is drawn in there among other random shiz. She doesn't speak, yet escapes his cabin and walks through the street possessed among all the fallen folk. He should have been keeping an eye on her, geez!
Big Jim sees creepy Dotie again, and when she warns him of dire consequences, he yells "Shut up, I'm busy!" to the ghost-hallucination. Rebecca tries a genius copper-wire experiment to counteract the dome's magnetism, yet when Barbie connects the wires everyone else collapses ot the ground except for him! Must be because he's so hot.
Miraculously Julia is also awake and finds Barbie alive and well - they kiss, and I wish I could feel his beard scruff like she does. Big Jim is the third person who is also awake, and he now sees a Linda hallucination and greets her with "Who the hell are you supposed to be, the ghost of Christmas future?". She informs him of the virtue of sacrifice, and he decides to hang himself from the noose. This decision has NO rationale behind it whatsoever.
Sadly Big Jim can't reach the noose's lever on his own, but Julia volunteers to pull it for him, having no idea why he's up there in the first place. She responds to his charming request of "I can't pull the damn lever! Any of you want the honors?" This makes less sense to me than leaf blowers (but really, what is their purpose? They just move the leaves from one place to another).
Shockingly, Julia doesn't have the guts to pull the lever, so Big Jim kicks something (why didn't he just do this in the first place?) and starts to fall in slow motion. Ninja Julia cuts the falling noose with a knife the HOM just happened to give her - get this - just in time. Suddenly the magnetic field drops and "the girl" is shown creepily tending to Linda's body against the dome. All is well after this, and everyone decides to go to the coffee shop and be normal again.
We get clips here and there of Junior's mom painting pictures, though she's supposed to be dead, so she's connected to all this in some way. "The girl" is shown walking through town aimlessly again, and Angie follows her to a high school locker. Once "the girl" runs away and Angie looks in the locker, an axe flies at her and we see blood spatter. Not ANGIE!
I guess it's okay that Angie's gone. Her yellow low-cut shirt has been bothering me since day one.
Watching this series again is going to be epic, I can tell already. I forgot that the show existed until Liz reminded me, but I'm glad she did. Can't wait to see what the HOM does next! Prediction: he will steal Julia away from Barbie (they had an unspoken sexual tension) and Barbie wil be left over for me. Score!
See you all next week for a look into the return of Showtime's Masters of Sex!